UPDATE: White Out

I’ve been fortunate to live and work in a community where acceptance of ethnic and cultural diversities is the norm. I’ve also been blessed with a social network that rises above the intolerances and embrace individual differences. So, when I was asked on a first date whether my friends were all white and then he later commented that I was a "white out", I was initially confused. Later, I was shocked another Asian would question my Asian heritage and was angered by such insensitivity.

I’m not typically a sensitive person; but there are a few things that get me riled up. I’m also not a “rock the boat” type of person. I'd rather take the boat out of the water and walk away from it like nothing ever happened. However, I just couldn’t walk away when the core of who I am was being questioned. Not only was I being disrespected, the village who raised me was too.

After stewing it over, I came to the conclusion that I WILL confront him and tell him that the entire topic was both offensive and inappropriate. I was waiting to do this if/when I see him in person again; however, I seized the opportunity in a text conversation. I thought to myself, “I have more to lose than not if l never tell him.”

Here are the text messages exchanged:

Me: I still can’t believe you accused [me] of [being a 'white out']! I’m Asian, but I identify myself as an Asian-American and proud of it!

Him: I am Asian-American too and sorry if I made that kind of [an] accusation.

Me: I was offended because I love my Asian heritage.

Him: Were you?

Me: Yes. It’s who I am and where I came from.

Him: I’m sorry. 

Me: Just want to be open and honest. Thanks, I appreciate it.

Him: I want you to be comfortable [with] who you are.

Me: Thanks - I am comfortable with how I am. Aren't you comfortable with who you are?

Him: I am... Sometime [in] the cruel world we get generalize[d] or stereotyped. I have [a] mixed of friends and we do joke alot but yet understand each other... so I am happy [with who] I am.

Me: I agree. We do live in a cruel world where we're stereotyped constantly. I try not to let it get the better of me as my mom taught me to a strong individual. I've also been fortunate to have a strong network of family and friends (of all ethnicities) who support each other as we navigate [the world] together. The world can be cruel but that shouldn't stop us from being happy.

Him: Yeah, I am with you... Being younger I allow it [to get] the worse of me. As I [got] older and educated, along with my dad['s] advice to live humbly, I made better of myself, to never show off and don't let ignorant people get to you...

Me: You just called yourself old! But your dad sounds wise. :)

I honestly don't believe he's a bad human being, but more of a result of his environment. At the same time, it's no excuse to be insensitive (or lack first date etiquette)!

This was my first confrontation on a race-related issue. I may not have approached it with much grace, but I’m glad I did it. Hopefully I don’t have to do it again, but if so, I’ll be more prepared.

Today is the six-year anniversary of my mom's passing. I believe she would've been proud that she raised a daughter who’s compassionate yet strong enough to defend herself.