No Regrets

After many sleepless nights, serious conversations, self-reflection, number crunching and much tears, I've decided to stay in Seattle for the time being.

It was very difficult to arrive to this decision, as I didn't want to disappoint the people I love most, especially my sister, Bonnie. She has made every effort to accommodate my move back to Portland, even letting me live in her condo rent-free until I'm able to rent out my house. It was very generous and I'm sincerely grateful. 

The "Asian guilt," whether it's innate or self-inflicted, constantly agonizes my conscience and threatens my sanity. It tears me up inside knowing that I'm not in Portland to share with my sister the responsibilities of taking care of my dad, and more importantly, to alleviate the emotional stress that comes with it.

At the end, however, I just couldn't figure out a way to mitigate the financial risk with the house and other expenses with the salary the Portland opportunity offered. Furthermore, maybe a larger reason, it was for the livelihood of my marriage. I know my husband would be miserable until he has fully maximized the opportunities in Seattle and I didn't want to walk away from my marriage just yet.

Was it for money or love that made me stay in Seattle? Honestly, both. 

Whether I made the right decision or not to stay in Seattle, I can't have any regrets. I hope my sister understands, despite the disappointment this decision brings her.

I know, deep down, my mom would have supported me in this decision. And to all the lingering worries I have, she would reply in Chinese,"Once you reached the bridge, the bridge will naturally straighten out." Or in English, "cross the bridge when you come to it."

Hopefully, in the next few years, I will be able to cross that bridge with Gabe back to Oregon permanently. 

Thank you for your constant love and support (and job leads) as I continue the journey I called Life.